Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
