Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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