it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So many bounce houses so little time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize