This is not my ceiling
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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