You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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