The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
