i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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