im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
