its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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