I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
