I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
