I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
