I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
