just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
