Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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