She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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