I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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