Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
