the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I want her autograph on my taint
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
