why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
