You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
