this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
