yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I understand Curling. That high.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
