We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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