Your face is a jimmy john
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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