Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I don't deserve a penis
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
its liver damage thursday
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
