So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
