Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
