someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
