So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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