Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There's always time for handjobs
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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