I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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