I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
