I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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