So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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