she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
