i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
