Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
