dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
