No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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