I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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