I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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