I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize