so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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