yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
