It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize