Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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