piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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