that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
