If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
