Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
