for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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