We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
