Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize