when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize