the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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