Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
