I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
