You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
And then the night went full on bisexual.
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