I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
