totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
