I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
