She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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