Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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