I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
