My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
