Little spoons don't ask big questions
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
