Someone shit on the floor
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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