Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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