i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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