they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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