your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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