he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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