my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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