My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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