No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
