A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
