I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
