Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize